/ Opinion & Community Voices /
The first time my daughter travelled anywhere, we went for a 3-day holiday in a nearby touristy town, about an hour away from our home by car. At that time, I was a single mother and it was just me and her, a 2-and-a-half-year-old little girl recently diagnosed with Level 2 (moderate) autism.
I was working with Chinese imports at the time and took advantage of the Golden Week holiday in October to plan this short trip with my daughter. When I told my mother, she said it was a crazy idea, it would be very difficult and maybe I could wait and do it at a time when she could join and help. But I said it was all booked and we would manage just fine. We had no rigid schedule of arrival or return. If I needed to make 10 stops during the drive, I’d just have to accept it and do it.
And so we went. On the way there I had to stop only one time to help her get a toy she wanted and calm her down. I thought that was a great sign that things would be going great. They still did, but with some hiccups.
Once we arrived at the town, it was around 2 pm. We parked in the city center and I don’t remember why, but she was crying very loudly and did not seem to want to leave the car. I picked her up and we went to a bakery where I could buy a coffee for myself and some warm milk for her bottle. That calmed her down. We had some cake and I had a coffee and that calmed me down from the nerves of carrying a crying girl for 2 blocks while many people stared. Ten minutes later and she was very calm and relaxed at the bakery, no worry or discomfort in sight.
So we had a bit of a stressful start, but it turned out fine. We continued then, walked around downtown, found a little play area where she played for a bit, and then went to check in at our hotel. There, we had another difficult moment.
After checking in, a hotel staff grabbed our bags and carried them to our room for us. The moment he took our bags, my daughter started yelling and crying desperately and very loudly. She was non-verbal then, so she could not really tell me what was the problem. I just carried her to our room, which seemed to be at the very end of the hotel with her yelling to the full capacity of her little lungs. Once we arrived at the room and she saw the bags there, including her new little backpack, she calmed down and I finally understood she was worried about her bag being taken away by a stranger. Pretty fair reason if you ask me.
So those were the only moments of meltdown we had during the trip.
And to clarify a meltdown for those not familiar with autism, it is an involuntary neurological collapse. When an autistic person experiences a meltdown, their nervous system has become completely overwhelmed. Could be by sensory input, emotional stress, or unpredictable changes. They lose control because their brain enters a “fight, flight, or freeze” state. It isn’t “bad behavior” or a spoiled child acting out; it is a human being experiencing acute distress, screaming for safety because their surroundings have become too overwhelming to process. My daughter, for example, doesn’t register anything when she is having a meltdown. There is no talking or explaining changes that helps, because she simply does not register the words said until hours later.
Continuing our trip I quickly realized the need for compromise. It was very different from any travelling I did before becoming a mother. I had planned for us to do something in the morning, have a late lunch out and go back to the hotel for my daughter’s nap time, before going out for more exploring. I would have loved it if she was a child that could nap on her stroller, but that never worked with her, she resisted with all her might no matter how tired she was. And the more tired, the more meltdowns we had, so nap time had to be planned into the itinerary.
Eating out was tricky. The first night I made the mistake of checking out this themed pizzeria, because they had a costume dance show in the middle of dinner. I thought she would love that. In the end she wasn’t very interested and barely ate anything there. Next night, I was smarter and found a very nice restaurant with a more diversified menu, where there was a lot more options she liked, plus very sweet staff that entertained her with some toys and colouring supplies, so I managed to have my dinner with no difficulty.
During that holiday, we visited a park with a beautiful lake, a themed “Miniature Worlds” park, a Zoo, walked the city center, did a chocolate factory tour and bought a respectable amount of chocolate to take home.
And I learned to make peace with things being different when travelling with her. Sometimes it can be a bit disappointing for a parent that is excited to show something to their child and see no interest. I learned even at such a young age she was her own little person with her own little interests.
I was excited to take her to the zoo for the first time, but once we were there, what interested her at first was not the animals, but the stroller the zoo lent us.
I wanted her to explore the miniature worlds park with me, but once we reached a little play area with a slide and some swings, she was not interested in anything else other than that.
I wanted her to enjoy the chocolate factory with me, she wanted to go to the plastic toys behind the chocolate store.
Since my daughter could walk, we often had days out by ourselves. We’d go to parks, bookstores, restaurants, town fairs. They were shorter outings, manageable early in the day or after nap time. And if we were going away for the whole day, it was always with some family around to help. This time there was no one there but me to handle everything and take care of her. And I managed it. All in all, I was very proud of that trip, of both of us. We had so much fun together, it is amazing to look at the photos and see the joy in her eyes discovering new places.
I think it was those days out that prepared us for our 3-day holiday by ourselves. And the experience of that holiday prepared us for a trip from Brazil to England a year later.
My partner and I have had the joy and privilege of providing our now 7 year old with many days out exploring our State, some short holiday trips to different beaches in the summer, and 3 international vacations. She loves every minute of it, loves exploring new hotel rooms, visiting new places and meeting new people. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t speak the language, she always tries to say hello.
We refused to be locked at home because of a diagnosis, to be afraid of the judgement of people that think we just have a difficult/rude/spoiled child. We did not let a diagnosis stop our lives, stop her from living. Our daughter is out in the world, she explores it, she takes space, just as she has the right to be. Just as any autistic child has the right to be.
PS: It may be obvious to some, but I will still say that our story is not the rule book for taking your autistic child out. It is our story, about adapting a trip to the needs of one child. There is plenty to consider when taking a vacation, and parents/carers are the ones that know their child’s limits and sensory issues best. Do only what feels right and possible for your family, start small and see where it leads you.
